She's Got Cooties, Bro
by TokyoJunk
Summary: Mako becomes a victim to the female sex. Crack. Mako/Korra?


AN: I wrote this for the Korra fic Meme on Livejournal. It's based on this picture: h t t p : / / i 1 1 9 5 . p h o t o b u c k e t . c o m / a l b u m s / a a 3 8 7 / t o k y o j u n k / co o t i e s . p n g (obviously cut/paste the link and remove the spaces). This is a crack fic. Annnnnd I probably butchered these characters to no return...BUT what is written cannot be unwritten. Enjoy!

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><p>"She kissed me."<p>

Bolin looked up from putting on his socks and saw his brother walk into the locker room. The earthbender was a little alarmed at how pale Mako appeared to be as he slowly walked towards him, in a zombie like trance.

"Who kissed you?" Bolin asked, standing up and raising an eyebrow.

Wait, did this mean one of Mako's fangirls finally snapped? They had a healthy following of fangirls, each claiming to be a part of "Team Bolin" or "Team Mako". Bolin never had a problem with them, but Mako found them to be annoying. And his older brother had reason to be annoyed since his fans tended to be the craziest. Bolin admitted that his fans could get a little extreme. They were the most vocalist bunch in all their games, shouting and cheering him on until they were hoarse or lost their voice. They sent him gifts from time to time and some girls occasionally "got lost" on their way to the bathroom and ended up in the training room. It was all harmless girl crush fun, the kind they'll look back on years later and blush in embarrassment and a little pride as they tell these stories to their own kids. Bolin had no problem with his fans and he loved them because their attention and admiration were sane compared to Mako's fans. His brother's fans were…creepy, not the I'm-going-to-call-and-heavy-breathe-on-the-other-end creepy, but the-let-me-send-you-a-vial-of-my-blood-so-you-can-drink-it-and-we'll-be-tied-forever kind of creepy.

Should he be surprised that one managed to catch his brother off guard and lock lips with him? Not really. Mako should feel lucky that, that's all that happened and he wasn't locked up somewhere in someone's closet. But to have such a traumatized look from a kiss? Surely there had to be more to this and Bolin was going to find out.

"Mako, who kissed you?"

Mako opened his mouth to reply but no answer came. The young man instead swallowed and licked his lips nervously. Bolin walked up to his brother, going around him to place his hands on his shoulders and guide him to take a seat.

"Let's sit down," he said, guiding Mako to a bench. The firebender sat down and Bolin rounded the bend to sit in front of him

"So, who kissed you?"

Mako blankly stared.

"Korra…the Avatar…who is also Korra….and the Avatar."

Bolin stared.

_Ooooookay then._

Wait.

_What?_

"Korra kissed you?" Bolin's question almost made Mako jump. "Like, on the lips?"

Mako slowly nodded and Bolin's mouth broke into a grin.

"That's great!"

Mako looked terrified.

"Why aren't you happy that she kissed you? I mean, you should've seen it coming."

Bolin saw it coming from miles away from the way Korra acted sometimes around Mako—nothing shy or coy, but instead the complete opposite, awkward, a bit clumsy in trying to be smooth.

"You don't understand. She's the Avatar."

"And? Why should that matter?"

Mako's eyebrow twitched as he looked at his brother. Bolin wasn't really getting it and the firebender was growing a little frustrated since he felt like his brother should know without him having to hint at it.

"She's also a **_girl_**." Mako said, drawing attention to her gender in the hopes of his brother getting it.

"A perk from being the Avatar I'm sure," Bolin said, joking.

No. No. NO. She was a girl and everyone knew what girls had: cooties. That's right, women were full of them and Mako made it his mission to avoid all females in order to stay alive. He made sure he took his medicine daily, a combination of circles and dots that were supposed to be cootie shots. Through that he was able to make it in life without so much as a cough or a sniffle, but now? Korra had kissed him, Korra the Avatar who probably had the worst case of cooties known to man due to her powers. How was Mako going to survive now? No amount of circles or dots could cure that! Korra had doomed them all with her soft-er treacherous, that's right, treacherously soft lips!

He realized his brother was staring at him as these thoughts raced through his mind and he realized that he was putting Bolin in danger.

"Get away from me! I might be contagious." Mako pushed his brother back, making Bolin almost fall backward. The earthbender held his footing and pulled himself up, holding onto the bench.

"Contagious? Bro, what's wrong with you?"

"What's wrong? Korra kissed me, don't you get it?"

"It means she likes you."

Mako shook his head, standing up from the bench.

"Are you insane? She's the Avatar!"

Bolin stood up to join him.

"Again, not seeing any negatives here," He said, "Sure she's the Avatar, which means you'll have to share her with the rest of the world. But she's cute, funny, strong, and her pro-bending has gotten better and—"

Mako cut him off, grabbing Bolin by the front of his shirt and pulling him close to deliver the devastating news.

"But she has cooties."

Bolin blinked, not sure what to think when the first chuckles escaped his lips and he began to laugh. Mako didn't join him and soon the earthbender found himself trying to get serious. He cleared his throat as he watched the twitch in his brother's eyebrow and stopped.

"You're serious?"

Mako let him go and went to sit on the bench again.

"I'm pretty sure I have it," he said, running a hand through his hair. "She kissed me with her mouth open and everything. There was even tongue." He looked up at his brother. "I'm a goner, huh?"

Bolin scratched his chin in thought, but mostly he was stalling because he didn't have a clue on how to tackle this. Despite Mako being the oldest, he obviously didn't have a clue about girls. Bolin always thought his aloofness was due to Mako not having an interest in dating and that made his appeal all the more alluring to girls. He was the unattainable, the goal, the trophy every girl was gunning for. But Mako wasn't going to let anyone win him so easy; at least, that's what Bolin thought. In reality, his brother was clueless and holding onto childish myths that justified his lack of understanding the female sex.

"I don't think you're going to die from it," he said finally. Mako raised an eyebrow.

"But there was tongue!"

"Which is awesome. High-five!" Bolin waited for his brother to slap his hand but Mako just glared at him. Bolin high-fived himself since he wasn't going to leave himself hanging.

"If I'm not going to die from this, then…" Mako thought for a bit and visibly paled. "…Oh god…what if I'm pregnant?"

"I don't think that's how kissing works—"

"She used her tongue!" Mako looked a little green. "Oh no, I think I'm going to be sick—I'm having morning sickness bro!"

Bolin went over to try to calm him down.

"Relax, you're overreacting."

"Relax? How can I relax when I'm pregnant!" Mako looked alarmed. "My first mood swing!"

Bolin didn't know whether to laugh or cry laughing because it was sort of adorable.

"Looks like the 'Talk' is in order," he said as Mako looked at him confused.

It took him a chalk board, three different colors of chalk, pro-bending euphemisms that made no sense, patience, and some more chalk because he kept breaking it out of nervousness as Mako asked questions he didn't really know the answers to himself about, but he managed by sprinkling in some more nonsensical euphemisms about flowers, birds and bees which seemed to do the trick.

When he was finished he looked at Mako. The firebender opened his mouth to speak.

"So…"

"Yeah," Bolin replied, dusting off the chalk from his hands.

"And?"

"Yep."

"Flowers?"

"Uh…sure."

A pause.

"You sure?"

"Yup."

"Had experience?"

Bolin coughed.

"Sure," he said, clearing his throat. He didn't have experience per say, but the coach did leave behind a dirty romance novel behind once.

"So…"

"You really have nothing to worry about bro," Bolin admitted.

Mako slowly nodded, taking in this information.

"Okay. I guess that makes sense." He said. Then he paled again. "Bolin, what if Korra gets stung by a bee and ends up pregnant?"

Bolin brought a hand to his forehead, sighed, and went to get more chalk.


End file.
